She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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