god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
