Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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