so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
