Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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