Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
