Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
