After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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