So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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