Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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