I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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