Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
