so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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