Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
