I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
