I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
