How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
