If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
