You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
