it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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