i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
