he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
