Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
