Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
