Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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