I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
