don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
