I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
