Can Purell be used as lube?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
