ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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