I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
