Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
