I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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