I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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