turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
