i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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