Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
tell me about the fingering
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