it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
