After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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