Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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