Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
