i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
