Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
