Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
