Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
