there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
