u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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