She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
