the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
