are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
