yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm at about main and main street
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
