i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
