i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
